


Stocks, Childs and Tomatoes

by Yvion



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canon Era, Comedy, Everybody loves Merlin, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fun, Gen, Headcanon, Podfic Welcome, merlin in the stocks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 20:25:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20895602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yvion/pseuds/Yvion
Summary: Arthur sets out to collect his manservant earlier than usual because of this very important feast and finds out what has really been going on every time Merlin got send to the stocks.





	Stocks, Childs and Tomatoes

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to this little drabble which happens to be my very first fanfic EVER. Also: Not a native English speaker. Constructive criticism welcome. Of course I do not own anything of BBC's Merlin.
> 
> So… That’s that. You have been warned. I hope you will enjoy my little head canon here. Have fun! ;D

“That’s it! That’s the stocks for you!”

“That’s totally uncalled for and you know it prat! And what about that oh so important feast with this oh so important Lord? Who is gonna serve you there? George is already occupied serving him since I’m obviously too inadequate a servant to attend actual important guests.”

“Shut up, _Mer_lin! You will attend me after your day in the lower town.”

“Now you’re just being an ass.”

“Guards! Accompany my excuse for a servant to the stocks.”

“What!? You really want me at the feast smelling like—“

“NOW!”

* * *

Only a few hours later that very same day, the king of Camelot found himself walking down the streets of the lower town. He would certainly not admit having overreacted after a frustrating meeting with a stubborn old Lord, that just so happened to hold about a third of Camelot’s grain supplies. Kings do not overreact. So he didn’t. And now he would do the sensible thing and release his manservant early enough so he actually had a chance to wash himself before serving at this, as he astutely called it, oh so important feast.

“Sire! I didn’t expect you so soon.” The guard posted at the lower town square saluted hastily as he recognized his king approaching him. 

“Well I happen to be in need of my servant right now. So he will have to get away early this day.”

SPLATCH.

“Nice shot, Melly! That’s twenty points for you.”

“Woohoo!” At the other side of the market place a whole group of children broke into cheering and giggling loud enough to possibly reach the castle walls. Loudest of all was a little girl, probably Melly, who had just planted a tomato straight at Merlin’s chest.

“What is that about?”

“Oh. You see, Merlin’s here often enough that he decided to ‘liven things up a bit’ and implemented a scoring system to his punishment. You get ten points for a hit on his legs or hands, twenty for his chest, fifty for his face and negative fifty for his… well… crotch region. I believe he started this whole thing to discourage people from hitting him there actually.”

“He was send here to get publicly punished and turned it into a sports game?” Arthur shook his head in disbelief. “Only Merlin…”

SPLATCH.

“Uargh. Phua. Phuaf. That’s fifty for you, Marcus! How many points did you have before?”

“Forty! I had forty!”

“And how many do you have now?”

“… Eighty?”

“Not quite, Marcus. Forty plus fifty points makes…”

The little boy scrunched his face up in concentration. “… … … Ninety!”

“Yes! Well done, Marcus! ” Merlin grinned widely enough to make some more vegetable pieces fall from his face. The king of Camelot was now openly staring at the scene.

“Did… Did that little peasant boy just count to ninety?”

“Yes sir. He’s been teaching the kids ever since he started the game. Turns out splattering someone with vegetables and beating ones friends at it is a really good motivation to get your numbers down. I would bet a week’s worth of my salary that most of those kids are better at math than their parents by now.”

“That’s quite impressive actually.”

“Oh no. This is just the warm up and little Marcus has always had a hard time remembering the order by which the numbers go. Merlin always starts up with simple addition and subtraction. After all kids arrived and are warmed up he changes the rules to multiplication. If you hit the legs or hands, you multiply your points by two, for the chest by three, for the head by five and a hit in _that_ region cuts your points in half. Also he sometimes makes them form teams. A correct calculation gets the team bonus points while a wrong one costs them. This always really fires them up. Little Sally takes this way too seriously though. Had to brake up a fist fight between her and Johnny once.”

“Are you always keeping watch over the stocks, when Merlin is down here?”

“Certainly sire. What about it?”

“Nothing. It’s just that— Oumpf!“

Arthur whirled around, hand on his sword, to identify his attacker, that had just hit him in the back, only to find a wide-eyed woman staring back at him. She looked utterly terrified.

“I am so sorry your highness! She didn’t mean any harm! I promise it won’t happen again! Apologize to his highness right now!”

Only then did Arthur spot the little girl scrambling to her feet beneath him, a big chunk of what used to be tomatoes on the ground. The ‘attacker’ looked just as terrified as her mother as she realized who she had just run into.

“I’m really sorry! I... I didn’t look where I was going and… and… Mom always tells me not to run, but I… I… I’m sorry! Please don’t kill me!” The girl was sobbing in her mother’s arms now. The king stood there frozen for a second before collecting himself.

“What’s your name, girl?”

“Sniff… Nina.” She was still sniffling and rubbed something into her sleeve. Arthur didn’t want to think about it. Neither did he like the thought that this child seriously seemed to think she was going to be executed for bumping into someone, least of all him. He was supposed to be a reassuring presence for his people, not… whatever this was.

“Very well... Nina.” And with that the king of Camelot kneeled down on the ground beside a little peasant girl. “I’m not going to hurt you, Nina. You have nothing to fear from me. On the contrary, if someone ever tries to harm you, you just let me know so I and my knights can protect you.” Nina was staring at the king wide eyed, obviously confused.

“Do you understand me, Nina?”

“Yes! Ehm, your highness!”

“Good. Now tell me: What is so urgent, that such a pretty little lady is in such a hurry to get to?” That was enough to make the little girl blush over both her ears and got her mother to recover from her shock.

“Your highness, we only just heard that Merlin was in the stocks today. It’s been quite a while since his last visit and so we hurried to get here on time and join in with the others, but since you are here too, I guess we came too late. Is he getting released already?” The woman looked saddened by that prospect. Little Nina however seemed utterly devastated and looked longingly to the spectacle on the other side of the market place.

“Actually…” Arthur glanced at the group of laughing children and then back to the mournful girl before him. “I came to inform the guard that my manservant’s punishment is to be prolonged until sundown.”

At this the girl’s head bounced back to the king. “We’re not too late?”

“No you are not. Now go join the others, but promise me to look where you are going from now on.”

“Yes! Yes, I promise!” And with that Nina swung around and sprinted away, only narrowly avoiding barreling into a woman carrying a casket full of apples. The mother looked sheepishly at her king and curtseyed deeply. “Thank you, your Highness.” Then she scraped most of the tomatoes from the ground and hurried to catch up with her child.

Arthur watched them as Nina entered the group of children currently crouched around his manservant. He turned back to the guard beside him.

“How come the person sentenced to be confined in the stocks is currently sitting beside said stocks?”

The guard had the decency to look sheepishly as he explained: “I’m sorry sire, it’s just that… Sometimes it’s much easier to explain these things, if… if you scratch the numbers into the ground, which he can’t do while in there so… I… I stopped locking them in the first place. He won’t run! Never does. I promise! You’ll see! Once he has finished explaining he will go right back in.”

Arthur shook his head fondly as he turned around. “When you ‘release’ him, inform him that he is to properly wash up before attending me in the morning.”

“Certainly! Yes, sire!”

And so the king of Camelot found himself walking back to the castle to inform his substitute servant that he would have to serve two masters at the feast. George was certainly up for the job and Merlin was clearly needed more elsewhere.

* * *

“Rise and shine, _sire!”_ Merlin threw the curtains open with so much glee, it was almost more blinding than the sun hitting Arthur’s face. So of course the king did the only sensible thing and shot a pillow in the general direction of the windows. The projectile missed by quite a margin, because the servant was already ducking down to collect the clothes strewn across the room.

“Groggy, aren’t we? Must have been quite the party yesterday. I’m away for a single feast and you go all out on the wine, seriously. I must have missed the biggest mishap in the history of Camelot!”

“Did not have too much wine.” The king was slowly starting to collect himself. “It was a fine feast. Everyone was laughing and enjoying themselves even before the servants brought in the wine and even though I had to fight off an overly motivated _George_, I didn’t drink much myself.”

_“Really?”_ Merlin raised one eyebrow doubtfully and held up the shirt Arthur had worn yesterday at the feast. Arthur’s eyes widened in shock.

“Then pray tell how did you end up with such a giant food stain on the back of your finest shirt?"


End file.
